You have heard these suggestions before. Rediscover joy by: making an appointment with your therapist and keeping it; developing a hobby that is not ministry related; keeping an off day; getting your exercise; turning off the TV/social media/the news. This list is offered to help you rediscover joy. But as I read back over it, it becomes obvious that these suggestions are terribly overrated and overused.
What is joy anyway? Miroslav Volf defines joy as an “…ephemeral but irresistible emotion…(joy) cannot be manufactured. It is an emotion so deeply and uniquely ours that all we can do is to prepare for and open ourselves toward it.” Angela Gorrell spins off his definition to say that “… Joy is not fluffy or ephemeral. Joy has grit. Joy is what we feel deep in our bones when we realize and feel connected to what is good, beautiful, meaningful. Joy unites us to one another.” **
As senior ministers, we know our strengths. Typically, they are evident at graveside; the hospital; the nursing home. A baptism. A wedding. A sermon when the congregation is keenly alert and listening. Knowing that we are good at what we do, is predictable and satisfying joy. I would like to suggest, however, that there is a source of joy which might have an element of surprise: give female clergy the possibility of living into their calling. Actively encourage the use of her gifts. Befriend her. Offer opportunities.
Each month, I converse with 35 clergy women. Their churches are all over the United States. They represent several denominations. Some are single and some are moms. They vary in age. They are all qualified and talented but what they hold in common is that they are often overlooked by search committees and senior pastors solely because of their gender.
Calling women to ministerial positions may feel risky in your church. I suspect that it is easier to bury this “issue” (i.e.,”not my battle”) or we might be overwhelmed by the challenge of educating our congregations to do anything about it.
Let me suggest to you that educating your congregation may be, in and of itself, another unexpected source of joy. Joy leaks out when light bulbs of understanding shine above congregants’ heads. Joy arrives when professional women attending, look you in the eye and say, “at last.” Joy is a motivation to a teenage girl who walks the aisle to say she is called. Joy makes an appearance when the artwork on a child’s bulletin is of a female in the pulpit.
Another source of joy is watching female colleagues come alive with the prospect of leading worship (and NOT just on the Sundays after Thanksgiving and Christmas and Mother’s Day). Her preaching will be different from yours. She will be personal/human. She may be perceived as “too much.” (Do not tamper that joy. Lean into it.) Swap worship roles for a month. She preaches from the pulpit and you deliver the children’s sermon. And with each step forward, welcome the joy and gratitude that wells up inside of you over a job well done…yours and hers.
Her ministry will look different from yours. She will touch marginalized persons, and she will invite them into the church community. She will show up at court proceedings. She can share visiting in the hospital/nursing home. With each thing you “allow,” you will be reinforcing the truth that she is equally gifted and qualified.
Be an advocate for women in ministry. Introduce your congregation to organizations like Baptist Women in Ministry (BWIM). Work with Finance committees to guarantee equitable salaries and benefits. Seek out women’s resumes for open positions. Genuinely encourage her privately and publicly.
Several years ago, I was appointed to be the leader of a women’s clergy group. They were all serving churches save one. That one had gone to a church that was not a good fit. She was unhappy, as her husband and children were. So, she resigned with no place to serve. She told us that the pain of that decision haunted her with guilt, shame and feelings of failure. It fell to me to not just coach her but for us to rediscover joy together.
Over many cups of coffee, her confidence began to return. When she laughed, joy filled the empty places. When she blessed a decision, joy would nestle up close. When she regained hope, joy was celebrated. She is now serving as a senior pastor. Her joy is so contagious, the congregation is thriving. As I watch her practice compassionate ministry, joy fills me.
Nurturing another’s gifts and calling them to serve is an unlikely source of joy. Yet, joy is available if you have the courage to see, feel and embrace it. Paul’s words to the Thessalonians apply:
Encourage one another and build up one another
…and I would add “For it is there that you will find joy.”
The Center for Healthy Churches has a team of qualified coaches with backgrounds in many denominations and ministerial roles. Contact us to discover your options for ministry coaching.
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*This article solely focuses on female clergy because that is who I coach. Many of the same conclusions are also true of male ministers.** These quotes are in The Gravity of Joy, by Angela Gorrell.
Keep up the good work. And may there be continuing abundant joy. It is time!
Thank you, Sarah. I am at my law firm because one of my roles is to be “Trusted Advisor/Coach/Open Door” to the young attorneys. Here’s the thing: I would be doing that anyway! But how meaningful it is to work at a place where that role is valued. It makes all the difference. And yes, the Joy is Mine when I see any young woman in any profession take root, sprout and grow. I appreciate the reminder to do it in all my places.